The Bed
by Rei Tenjou
Summary: Solution to the bed problem people make Wufei encounter.


This was inspired by a fic I read recently. In it, a beleaguered Wufei is forced to stay up all night because Quatre and Trowa are getting it on. This is how you get rid of it. All of this is Wufei's point of view.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I do own Veni, though.

Warning: Cursing, remarks of shonen ai, overuse of the word oh. Slightly OOC Wufei, majorly OOC Heero.

I saw Veni running down the hall with a hammer clutched tightly in her fist. Ordinarily this scene wouldn't surprise me, but Maxwell wasn't here to provoke her. "Stop! What do you think you're doing?" She gave me a look that said 'are you some kind of idiot?' "I'm going to dismantle something." I let out a sigh. "No, I meant why are you running down the hall with a hammer. You aren't supposed to." "No silly, it's scissors you aren't supposed to run with." "Oh." As she kept going down the hall, past her room, my curiosity was piqued. "Say, what are you going to do with that anyway?" "I'm on a self-assigned mission." Oh? To what end?" A manic gleam entered her eyes. "To destroy the almighty bed of doom!"[1] I swear, if we were manga characters, there would be lightning flashing behind her.[2] That's how crazy she looked right then. 

"Almighty bed of doom?" "Heero and Duo's headboard" she said matter of factly. "Why?" That took her by surprise. "Why? Because it's against the wall I'm on the other side of, that's why." This particular safe house we've been in since the beginning of December and would be in for who knows how many more months, only had four bedrooms. Which was perfect because Winner and Barton had been lovers for some time now. The hallway ran between the four rooms, two on each side. On the left the first one had been Maxwell's with Yuy's just beyond. Across from Yuy were Barton and Winner, with me in the first room on the right. After Christmas, when the baka and iceboy (Yes, I can come up with cute nicknames to give to people.)[3] got together, We; no; they invited her to come live with us and she took Maxwell's room. 

"Oh." While she slowly opened the door, my conscience got the better of me, even though it's him we're talking about. "Um, I don't think you should be doing that." A scream followed by a hammer flying at my head were the first answers, "I am going to get rid of that once and for all. They're on a mission, I want to get this done now, before I lose even more sleep. The damn thing bangs against the wall **every** night. I'm sick," And tired, I mentally noted.[4] "of it, and it's going down now!!" "I merely meant it's actually Winner's bed, and since he's nice enough to buy the food and everything, we shouldn't go destroying his things. Let me get the toolbox." "Oh." I turned to get the aforementioned toolbox, and stopped a moment. "That was a good shot though." "Nothing less." I opened the door back up, leaving the hammer sticking out of it for now. I'll get it on the way out.

Okay, The box spring and mattress were against the wall, waiting until we finished, the slats were by the door, and we sat in the frame, figuring how best to do this. Well, she was probably thinking that, but I was thinking about her. No! Not that way! I mean, she is a total enigma. At least with the other guys I know why they fight, where they came from, and a little bit more besides. Hells, I don't even know her full name. All I do know is that she is an acquaintance of Yuy's from before Operation Meteor, and that we call her Veni. "I saw we start with this." She looked at me. "The end? I agree." "No. You." "What?" I looked her in the eyes. "What is your name? Also, how do you know Yuy?" "My name? You can call me Veni, other than that, what's it to ya?" I sighed. This was going to be difficult. "Please, it is difficult living with someone you have no clue about. You know all of us very well, I just wish to know a little more of you." "Venus Juno Nigatsu,[5] who lies and hides but doesn't run." I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself from not laughing. She sounded so much like the braided baka. "And sorry for my curiosity, but were your parents on medication when they named you?" "Very much like Trowa and Duo, I made my own name." "Judging from your accomplishments, I think it's safe to guess how you did it."

Another gleam came into her eyes, this one unidentifiable. "Try it" "Fine. You fancy yourself as the goddess of love, Venus, drawing from how you brought together the other four, You believe in justice, hence Juno, the god of balance, and February is Venus' month." You are completely wrong on all counts." What? How could I be wrong? "Nigatsu is taken for my birthday, the 14th, Juno is for the day the good doctor was killed, and Venus is by birth name according to him. I know Heero because I trained with him until Mssr. L died. More to come later, now let's take care of the bed." Wow. "Happy belated Birthday." She tensed a moment, then relaxed. "Thank you." Maybe there is more here than I knew before. "You aren't doing this just to sleep again, are you? Like some ulterior motive to get back at him somehow?" "How did you guess?" I smiled. "Wild guess." She nodded before answering. "Yes. He forgot my birthday." "You can't blame him. He is on a secret mission with strict silence codes attached." "I know, but he's done that before and always gotten something out before." Seeing my coming rebuttal, she hurried on. "Not a voice message per se, but a note stashed somewhere in my room or something. Maybe he's to busy screwing Duo to think about me." The last part was said with so much bitterness it was unbelievable. Not just at iceboy, but aimed at herself too. "No," I unconsciously hugged her. "He probably was thinking about something more important." "Like what?" I grinned down at her. "Like the fate of the world" "Oh."

Two hours later we were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, reading. The bed was back in place and the frame was in the attic. Winner had returned and was making dinner in the kitchen. The Vidwindow chimed and we both looked up. She went to go answer it, and it appeared to be Yuy. "Hey Veni!" I swear, I almost had a heart attack. He sounded ….chipper. "We're on our way home, the mission was a success. I was wondering how your birthday went." "It was okay, considering that no one knew it was my b-day." "No one? Really? Oh, well talk to you later." He hung up, sounding dodgy. "Oy, what's wrong with you?" It's just a dream, wake up Chang, it's just a dream. "Yuy, did he, he sounded, happy." She looked a little embarrassed. "Yeah, well, he thought it was just me. He didn't see you there." "Oh" It was then that Winner prostrated himself in front of us. "I am so sorry!" "About what Winner?" "Heero just called me, I was apparently supposed to give this to you on the 14th." He produced a package from underneath the couch. "Here. You also have a solo mission next week, Wufei, could you watch the stove for me?" "Why?" "I need the honey I took upstairs last night." Veni and I both shuddered.

Shortly after Winner disappeared upstairs, I heard a scream. "Why is there a hammer stuck in your door Chang?!"

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[1] FY reference to a neat website called the Almighty Chicken of Doom. Don't own

[2] If they only knew.

[3] All the names in order of number: Iceboy, Braided Baka, Evil Clown, and Weakling

[4] Bill Cosby joke. Again, I don't own.

[5] Nigatsu means February in Japanese.

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What did Heero give Venus? What is her solo mission about? And will the hammer ever be removed? Find out next time! _If you review. Dun dun dun._


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